The best Girlfriend I've Never Had

In the Summer of 2000, I'd recently been drug through a divorce.

While I wasn't the one who'd pushed the issue and filed the papers ... I also wasn't the one who'd spent the previous four years being loving and attentive and devoted while the other half of the partnership had been stuck in a downward spiral.

And just as I was beginning the process of leaving that soul sucking job and taking other measures to turn my life around ... Cally had come to the conclusion that I'd never be able to turn things around. And so she left.

Eighteen months later, just as I was getting my life back to something resembling normal, my mother unexpectedly died. Which meant that I found myself going right into another several months of emotional confusion.

In the middle of all of this, I'd wound up establishing an odd friendship with a Dancer by the name of Sondra Saxon. She was working at the Deja Vu in Lexington Kentucky. And unlike most of the other girls, she quickly saw that a part of me was broken and she took the time to become a small part of the fix.  By taking the time to actually be my friend.

Sondra could see that what I most needed was to simply sit at my table and watch the stage. Just get lost in what was taking place up there.

She'd come by my table. I'd buy her a drink. And we'd sit there and talk about the dancers for a few minutes.

What each girl was doing right and wrong.

What changes we'd like to see a girl make to her outfit.

And she made sure to spread the word to all the other Dancers that they weren't supposed to hustle me. If they did ... They'd wind up having a problem with her.

Just go to his table.

If he finds you interesting, he'll offer to buy you a drink.

Spend a few minutes talking with him about the girl on stage. And if he really wants a Table Dance or a Couch Dance ... He'll ask you for it.

And if he doesn't ask for a dance ... Just finish your drink and give him a hug and then move on.

Between 2000 and 2003 ... Sondra clearly understood that I had a bit of money ... And that I desperately needed a shoulder to lean on ... And it would have been very easy for some pretty little Vixen to sink her claws into me and drain away a lot of cash.

And she never allowed that to happen.

Sondra and I wound up becoming friends on My Space and Facebook.

We talked about a lot of the things that were going on in my life and her life.

And she often joked with me that I was the best boyfriend she'd never had.

After I'd met and married K ... She and Sondra would occasionally conspire against me. And Sondra once confided in K that there had been at least a half dozen times when she was about 2 molecules away from asking me out. But she always talked herself out of it because she didn't want to do anything that might possibly screw up the friendship she had with me.

That was what she most wanted from me.

That was what she was best able to give back.

So I dedicate this article to anyone who has ever had the privilege of knowing Sondra Saxon / Lisa Lowry.

The Absolute Best Girlfriend I Have Never Had.

Travis Clemmons

How I Do An Interview

Let me start off by saying that I hate reading articles which claim to be interviews but are actually little more than Puff Pieces.

So ... If you allow me to interview you ... You should probably expect that a solid handful of my questions will come at you from an odd direction. Because I think that an interview should be about so much more than simply telling the world your astrological sign and favorite color.

On the other hand ... I get really pissed at Reporters and Bloggers who seem to think it is their "Sacred Duty" to mug the other person with a bunch of "Gotcha Questions". This type of behavior adds up to being nothing more than a "Bully With A Poison Pen". I don't like this type of journalism and I refuse to get anywhere near it.

So here are the small favors I'm going to ask of the people I interview. And what I'm offering to provide in return.

I: A Short Phone Call - - - Occasionally

There are those times when I just can't get any sort of handle on an individual from the info that's already out there. And not knowing the basics about someone makes it very difficult to write good questions. If this is the case, I may want to chat on the phone with you for about 15 minutes or so. This can be very important if we've never met face to face (or have met only briefly).

II: An On Line Chat - - - About 2.0 to 2.5 hours

My part time job provides me with extra spending money and allows me to be somewhat adaptable to the Time Twisting" nature of your career. So a chat could generally be at just about any time of the day. I've connected with some people at 9:00 in the morning and others after 10:00 at night.

All I ask is that you make a chat date and then do your best to keep it. While each of us has a somewhat flexible schedule ... Neither of us can simply pull a 2.5 hour block of free time out of thin air.

If I have to postpone our chat date ... I will do so as soon as the need becomes obvious. Please do the same favor for me.

Chat Dates can take place on ...

AOL Messenger (AIM)

Facebook

Google Messenger

Yahoo Messenger

III: This Needs To Be Spontaneous

There is about Zero Percent spontaneity if I simply send someone a list of questions and then they look them over and get back with me in 3 or 4 days. That is how so many of the "Puff Pieces" get put together and shoved out into the world.

I usually start off with a pre-composed list of about 15 to 20 question. And then I think of (and add in) additional questions as we go along. Those added questions can really pump the article up a notch or two. But they usually won't get asked if I simply mail someone a list and they mail me back their answers.

IV: You Have The Right To Refuse To Answer Questions On Touchy Subjects

Every individual has that sore spot or two. And a subject that one individual considers totally fine will be something that a different person will run from.

If a question causes you to cringe ... Just tell me that you need to refuse to answer that one and I'll politely move on.

V: You Deserve The Chance To Make Small Corrections.

Like I previously said ... I refuse to play gotcha.

I will take the contents of our on line chat and I will condense it down to what I consider to be a solid interview. Then you get the opportunity to spend a day or two looking the thing over and advising me of spots where you feel that you and I might have misunderstood each other.

Just keep in mind that I do mean "Small Corrections".

There was a time in the past when one individual tried to totally rewrite the thing. And I then had to refuse to publish the article because it was no longer "Our Interview". The "Rewrite" that this person had handed back to me was nothing more than a Publicity Piece.

So this is how I do an interview. And as you go through my Blog ... You will find several that have received a large number of reads and a solid degree of praise.

Among these are ...

Author - Michael Z. Williamson (Freehold Series)

http://travisclemmons.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-following-interview-was-originally.html

Author - Raymond Benson (Six James Bond Novels)

http://travisclemmons.blogspot.com/2012/09/james-bond-interview-raymond-benson_27.html

Featured Dancer - Phoenix Phires

http://travisclemmons.blogspot.com/2013/10/showgirl-interview-phoenix-phires.html

Pole Dance Performer & Instructor - Valerie Mae

http://travisclemmons.blogspot.com/2014/01/pole-dancer-interview-valerie-mae.html

And the list continues to grow.

Travis Clemmons

Pole Dancer Interview: Valerie mae

 Freeze Clemmons!

I'm Special Agent Natasha Romanoff of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Are we going to conduct this interrogation in a civilized manner?

Or do I have to ZAP you with my Phone LASER?

Travis:

At dance competitions, you bill yourself as Mariah. What are the origins of that moniker?

Vãlërîë Mãë

That was my dancer name when I first started so I kept it. Everyone used to say I looked like Mariah Carey.

Travis:

Is there any kind of strong line of distinction between the Valerie and Mariah?

Vãlërîë Mãë

Mariah is like my alter ego. I can do whatever as Mariah. I'm like superwoman. Valerie is my "professional" self.

Travis:

And is Valerie a bit more shy or reserved?

Vãlërîë Mãë

I wouldn't say shy. But reserved yes. More like careful.

Travis:

How did you get into Pole Fitness and Pole Dancing?

Vãlërîë Mãë

I started stripping when I was 18 years old and it just wasn't my thing. I found miss pole and it was meant to be. 

Travis:

And how does the family feel about you being a Pole Instructor and Performer?

Vãlërîë Mãë

My mom is my biggest fan. She was at the Stripperpalooza when I placed first and she cried. She tells everyone about it. I'm very Grateful and fortunate.

Travis:

Based on your comment about stripping ... Should I take it that you wouldn't want to do the type of Stage Work that Ladies like Vayda Kiss, Artemis Moon and Phoenix Phires are doing?
 

Vãlërîë Mãë

I think that they're features . Which in my mind, is like an ultimate stripper. The cream of the crop. If I had the charisma that those ladies have on stage, hell yeah I'd do more stage but I'm a poler. That's what makes me happy.

Travis:

Makes sense.

So let's move on to the basic "Girl Watcher" questions.

How tall are you?

Vãlërîë Mãë

5' 4" in my bare feet. 6'0" to 6'1" in my heels.

Travis:

And if I were going to buy a pair of high heels for you ... What should I be looking for?

Vãlërîë Mãë

Black 8" to 9" Pleasers.

Travis:

Pleasers?

Vãlërîë Mãë

Yeah.

Pleasers: The typical eye catching stiletto every woman should have in her closet ;-)

Travis:

Gotcha ... As in "Pleasing the one you're with"

Vãlërîë Mãë

Exactlyyyyy

There's a brand or two that uses some variation of that name. And some girls just refer to any shoe of that style as a "Pleaser".

Travis:

In defining the types of shoes that would qualify as "Pleasers" ...

Pumps?

Boots?

Some spike heeled sandals?

Or does more than one of these styles qualify for that definition?

Vãlërîë Mãë

Pleasers can be all types of styles and colors. Some of the boots are pretty wicked.

Travis:

And in that 8" to 9" of high heel ... How much would usually be caused by the platform?

Vãlërîë Mãë

In an 8" to 9" heel, roughly 4" would be the platform and the rest would be the way the shoe turns my ankle.

Travis:

And are you more of a bare leg kind of gal? Or do you feel that the right hosiery can really help an outfit on certain occasions?

Vãlërîë Mãë

I do like stockings on some women in certain settings. However, I need my skin to stick to the pole so it's not realistic for me to wear them while performing.

Travis:

Completely Understood.

Several girls have told me that (from a style standpoint) one of the disadvantages of pole performing is that you can't do as much dressing up on stage. That you basically have to do the booty shorts and the bikini top and maybe some high heels.

How do you work your outfits around that ... To get the maximum "Oh Yeah" factor from the audience?

 

Vãlërîë Mãë

I have been accessorizing my outfits since I started dancing. I love ankle cuffs ... Really like my ankles and feel naked it I don't have something on them. Hair and makeup are also super important In my mind as well. It's puts the whole package together.

Travis:

One of the first things my wife and I noticed about you was those ankle cuffs. How did those make their way into your costume wardrobe?

Vãlërîë Mãë

I used to wear leg warmers religiously. They were just too bulky so I started playing with new ideas and whaaaalaaa! Mariah's ankle cuffs were born!! Lol

Travis:

At the Science Fiction and FantasyConventions ... I met a lovely girl who was the manager and stage babe for an alternative rock band. At the Cons ... She was always wearing fairly large and ornate angels wings. When someone asked her about them in an interview ... She said "I honestly feel naked if I'm in public and I don't have them on"

Vãlërîë Mãë

Yes! Exactly. I feel like I'm missing a part of me if I don't have my ankle cuffs on.

Travis:

And from a personal vs dancing standpoint ... How do you go about picking things like undies and lingerie?

Vãlërîë Mãë

Personally I love Victoria's Secret! (What woman doesn't?)

For dancing I am always in black booty shorts. Nothing fancy.

Travis:

And if I were going dress shopping ... What are your measurements?

Vãlërîë Mãë

32 - 26 - 36

Travis:

Eye Color?

Vãlërîë Mãë

Brown.

Travis:

If I asked you to be ready for a casual dinner (pizza / burgers / wings / or whatever) and a movie. What style should I expect to see when you open your front door and say hello?

Vãlërîë Mãë

I'm a jeans and hoodie type if girl. I do like to get dressed up once and awhile for a nice night.

Travis:

And if we were doing that dress up date ... Fancy dinner and then a cabaret show or maybe a cocktail party?

Vãlërîë Mãë

A black dress and heels. Curly hair and very red lips.

Travis:

Ever do the false eyelash thing?

Vãlërîë Mãë

Yes.

I love long false lashes but they're bad for your natural lashes so I usually try to avoid them.

Travis:

So ... Maybe for a really fancy event but mostly stay away from them?

Vãlërîë Mãë

Yes.

Sometimes I throw them on when I want to feel elegant.

Travis:

Trust me ... You have a touch of natural elegance My wife and I agree on that.

Vãlërîë Mãë

Thank you.

Travis:

As best I've been able to determine ... I'm about 3/8 Cherokee. The rest is Welsh, English and French.

Could you tell me a bit about your background?

Vãlërîë Mãë

I'm mostly Norwegian and German. And I'm about 1/4 Cree.

Travis:

Back in September, when I first met you, your skin appeared largely virgin and untouched. Since then, one of your arms appears to have had a very torrid love affair with a tattoo needle. What has brought all of that about?

Vãlërîë Mãë

I've always been in love with the art of tattoo. I'd already had my lower back and thigh done when we last saw each other.

I've always wanted a sleeve and finally had the time to do one on my right arm.

Travis:

Do you plan on having illustrations done on any other body areas? The legs? Maybe a bit more on the back?

Vãlërîë Mãë

I do.

I plan on adding into my original pieces.

Travis:

And how is the Cree part of your heritage involved in the pictures and patterns you are having done?

Vãlërîë Mãë

It's the main focal point.

I love that I come from a Native American background and I love the art. It was only right to add it to my temple.
 

Travis:

And how do you define your body as "your temple"?

Vãlërîë Mãë

My body is a temple in that I was given this body and I plan on protecting it. I eat clean and exercise to help maintain my lifestyle. I choose to decorate my temple with my heritage, ideas and dreams.

Travis:

And do you plan in doing all tattoos in black and flesh tone? Or will a bit of color sneak in here or there?

Vãlërîë Mãë

Black and white. I don't plan on adding any color

Travis:

And if we were dating ... And I offered to pay for a special tattoo somewhere (as something like a birthday present) ... About how big would it be and about how much would it cost me?

Vãlërîë Mãë

I love big pieces. Seeing as I'm almost done with my right sleeve, I'd start adding onto some other part. It's $100/hr and I usually sit for around 3hours. So roughly $300.

Travis:

So ... You'd be a "moderately expensive" sugar baby?

Vãlërîë Mãë

Haha yes!

There is a lot of money pumped Into my skin.

( And even though we're not dating, my birthday is in two months and the other arm is feeling a bit naked - wink wink)

LOL

Travis:

(chuckle)

Have you been conferring with Phoenix Phires?

Cause she throws that "even though we're not dating" bit of teasing at me from time to time ;-)

Vãlërîë Mãë

No LOL. We don't talk at all. Just coincidence.

( wink wink )

Travis:

(snickering)

If "0" equals Total Tom Boy and "100" equals Total Sugar Baby ... Where do you think Valerie is on the number line?

And does your place on that line ever rise or lower ... Depending on the occasion or your mood? 

Vãlërîë Mãë

I'd say valerie stays around 25. The girl loves guns and cars. But she isn't afraid to get pretty once and awhile.

Mariah is at least an 85. A complete girly girl who's in love with makeup and rainbows and maybe a unicorn or two.

Travis:

A lot of dancers, who are tattooed, have also had cosmetic surgery. Have you considered that in any way?

Vãlërîë Mãë

I had debated getting implants, but I was given this body and I have realized I'm happy with what I have.

Travis:

At the Dance Classes and the Stage Competitions ... There's a lot of silly innocent flirting going on between many of the dancers. Mainly as a way of building friendships and working off stress.

Then there also appears to be to be a solid minority of them who would welcome something a bit more intimate with another girl if the opportunity presented itself.

How do you navigate through all of this?

Vãlërîë Mãë

I've never been hit on! I'd probably be like WTF!

LOL

I love being a woman because we can get away with the meaningless girly flirting. I truly believe it's pretty much all in fun.
 

Travis:

You're in your early 20s.

Have you taken any college courses? Or was it pretty much a case of leaving high school and going straight into the working world?

Vãlërîë Mãë

I began working my senior year in high school. I hope once my life slows down some to go back to school.

Travis:

And where would you hope to be business wise in like 10 years? 20? 30?

Vãlërîë Mãë

In 10 years I should have my own pole studio, graduated from collage, and no kids.

20 years I should have 10+ studios all over USA.

And in 30 years, I hope to be retired and living somewhere warm and still hopefully able to pole.

Travis:

Any additional thoughts on where you'd like the personal part of your life to head?

Vãlërîë Mãë

No. That about sums it up.

Travis:

What advice would you give to a young woman who was asking about trying something like Pole Dancing as a profession? (Either teaching or Performing)

Vãlërîë Mãë

I would urge them to take a pole dance class or two. It is crucial to the safety of the dancer.

Travis:

And is physical conditioning a bit more important than many people initially believe?

Vãlërîë Mãë

It's important to learn but you don't have to be like that when you start.

At Miss Pole we start everyone at the beginning. Where to place your hands and feet. How to correctly execute a spin.

Then we build the strength needed to progress further.

But there's no major physical conditioning prerequisite before you begin learning how to pole. Just that you learn how to properly do the moves and care for your body.

Travis:

Okay ... Anything else you'd like to tell the readers? Any points I might have missed that you'd like to touch on?

Do you possibly want to promote an upcoming event or the studio you work at? 

Vãlërîë Mãë

Besides being a competitive Pole Dancer ...

I'm the Office Manager at Miss Pole in Brookfield Wisconsin

We have been open more than 6 years

We also have locations in Madison and Kenosha

You can find us on line at ... www.misspole.com

Travis:

Thank you for sharing this time with me.

Vãlërîë Mãë

You are very welcome.