Ryan Ashley - Grand Prix of Exotic Dance

- - -  Information  Update  - - -

All photos which have been credited in this article as "Python University Productions" were courteously provided by Erebus Photo.  During the initial publication of the article ...  Erebus Photo was functioning under an "Exclusive Rights Agreement" with another organization.  So I was unable to properly credit the Photographer at that point in time.
 

www.erebusphoto.com
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If anyone ever asks my opinion about Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979) or Matrix Revolutions (2003) ...  I'll usually hand them the following answer.

On it's own ... It's actually a pretty good movie.  But it's a rather poor sequel to an already established product.  And the reason for this is that it basically sidesteps the reality that was created in the previous set of stories.

But this is supposed to be my review of the dance performance of Ryan Ashley in the 2014 edition of the Grand Prix of Exotic Dance.  So let me get down to talking about the pretty girl and I'll swing back around to the Sci Fi babbling later on.

In order to properly compete in a contest like GPED ...

-A -
You have to be reasonably Attractive.

Ryan Ashley is Incredibly Beautiful.

- B -
You have to be Talented.

Ryan Ashley is at the top of the Talent Hill.

- C -
You have to have a complete bag full of Strategies.

When a competitor adds a new and different spin to the game ...  You have to be able to present a strategy which negates what they've just done by showcasing your talents in an even better way. And this is where Ryan unfortunately came up a step short at the Grand Prix of Exotic dance.

On Friday night ...  In the preliminary round ...  Everyone came in essentially blind.  While it's true that some of the dancers might have crossed paths before, at club bookings or at other competitions, no one knew the total story on anyone that particular evening.

Had A changed her hair color?

Had B learned some intriguing yoga moves and poses?

Had C come up with a costume idea?

And so on and so forth.

In that evenings competition ...  Ryan was quite Lovely and incredibly Hilarious.  Her Wind Up Doll routine was a joy to behold and she transitioned effortlessly into an impressive Pole Dance Session and then a delightfully erotic Milk Bath.  Everything fit perfectly from stem to stern.  Not a single loose nut or bolt in any part of the construction.

 

Then came Saturday Evening's Final Round ...  And her opening totally knocked me out of my chair.  This Ogre of a man carried a kicking and clawing Ryan Ashley onto the platform and callously tossed the girl into a cage.

All masked and bound up in tight black leather ...   A frantic and psychotic Ryan Ashley threw herself against the bars and snarled at the audience as she struggled to gain her freedom.

Freedom brought with it the opportunity to do an equally tormented Pole Performance.  And I found myself waiting in rapped anticipation as I wondered what was going to happen next.

Which is when she faltered and fell into her own personal Matrix Revolutions conundrum.

Ryan ended that evening's performance with a Paint Bath.  Essentially a repeat of the previous evening's Milk bath.  And while it was a lovely and sensual presentation ...  It totally killed the tormentedly erotic mood that had been building during the previous several minutes.

Not a bad routine at all.

Simply an improper sequel to the Psychotic Bitch Queen in a Cage who had been turning up the pressure cooker and causing our adrenalin to push us along at full blast during the first two parts of her Saturday Evening Presentation.

In my sincere opinion ...  Act III needed to be even more Nut Case Fingernails on the Chalkboard Crazy than the first two parts ...  But she avoided going there.

And that was what robbed Ryan Ashley of her best chance at taking first place at GPED. At the very point when she should have been turning up the fire under the Pressure Cooker ...  Ryan made the mistake of turning it down a notch.  An unfortunate error that caused her to finish in Third Place instead of First or Second.

Having handed Ryan Ashley this bit of criticism ...  I can't wait to see the Lovely Lady perform again.

Travis Clemmons

My Evening @ Exxxotica Chicago

 

On Friday – July 12th … I enjoyed a lovely six hours at Exxxotica in Rosemont Illinois.

A major part of the fun was that I was being accompanied by my delightful friend Pixie. Someone my lovely wife and I trust to provide stimulating conversation, occasionally engage in silly flirtation and generally distract me from the fact that I'm surrounded by this ever growing mass of event attendees.

As long as I have someone to hold my hand and be the focus of my attention … I don't start having this irrational fear that the Zombie Hoard of several hundred people is truly a Zombie Hoard of several hundred people. Pixie does a marvelous job of being a friend and chasing away those anxiety gremlins.

The first booth that really caught my attention was JO.

www.systemjo.com

I have a slight weakness for cute Tom Boys and Charlie was really ringing that bell for me. Pixie and I bought a couple of the JO products … I took this pic of Charlie and then we moved on from to another area.

About an hour later … Pixie and I crossed paths with Sheridan Love. I'd never known about this gal but I have to say that she is adorable. I'm pretty sure I became a fan of hers that evening.

www.sheridanlove.com

The highlight of my evening was being able to spend a few minutes chatting with the delightful Tara Lynn Foxx.

www.taralynnfoxx.com

I've been an admirer of hers for about five years and one of the things I most enjoy about Ms. Foxx is that she doesn't just depend on her beauty. The gal always brings a certain degree of acting and sly humor into her photo and video shoots.

And speaking of sly humor … Tara Lynn really enjoyed raking me over the coals when I had my picture taken with her. On most occasions … The Gal will get approached by 2 or 3 guys and all the boys take turns snapping pictures of each other standing next to her. But seeing that I was with a pretty girl … And assuming this girl was the Lady of my Life … Tara Lynn decided she was going to provide Pixie with the maximum possible amount of Blackmail Material.

As I was about to do the standard pose of gently placing my arm around Tara Lynn's shoulders … The little sneak turns to face me, grabs my hands, plants them on her bottom and then tells Pixie to take the picture.

And before I had the chance to even begin to think of blushing … Tara Lynn repeated that little trick by spinning around, putting my hands on her boobs and telling Pixie to take another picture.

Now don't get me wrong. I sincerely enjoyed the opportunity to grope the tits and ass of Tara Lynn Foxx. And my Lovely Evil Wife almost cracked up laughing when she heard the story and then saw the pictures.

But a little bit of fair warning would have been nice!

( and couldn't you just hear the little violin playing in the background as I was telling this story? )

So … Those are the highlights of my evening at Exxxotica Chicago. I hope you enjoy the pictures as much as I enjoyed taking them.

Travis Clemmons

Trinity Turner - Grand Prix of Exotic Dance

- - -  Information  Update  - - -

All photos which have been credited in this article as "Python University Productions" were courteously provided by Erebus Photo.  During the initial publication of the article ...  Erebus Photo was functioning under an "Exclusive Rights Agreement" with another organization.  So I was unable to properly credit the Photographer at that point in time.

www.erebusphoto.com
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Prior to GPED ...  I was not at all familiar with the work of Trinity Turner.  One of those situations where both of us were fairly well known in the Entertainment World but our paths had never come anywhere close to crossing.

On the first evening of the competition ...  Trinity didn't really impress me to any great degree.  Which meant that I was really in for a surprise on the second night, when the Blonde Dynamo came close to knocking me out of my seat.

Why was there such a difference between Evening 1 and Evening 2?  In a nutshell ...  It all boils down to what she did versus what I was expecting.

When it comes to my standards for reviewing a Performance Contest ...  I'll start by saying that I earned my Wings in the Costume & Talent Competitions at Science Fiction and Fantasy Conventions.

*    A member of the Event Staff
*    A Talent Show Contestant
*    A Talent Show Judge

And these gatherings are a place where both the Audience and the Judges can be incredibly unforgiving.

Each contestant has no more than 2 minutes to get the job done.  That's an allowed time of only 120 seconds to step onto the stage, show off the costume, perform a skit that keeps the audience entertained and then get the Living Daylights out of there.

At 121 seconds ... You're disqualified.  Trust me on this, I've seen the penalty flag get dropped way too many times on novices who didn't seem to understand that the 120 second mark was a Stop Sign.  It didn't matter that their costumes were stunning and their performances were hilarious.  He or She went over the time limit and their score immediately became ZERO.

With this being the Swamp I crawled out of ...  I will admit to being somewhat impatient when it comes to a Dancer starting her performance.  Even though she might have something like 4 or 5 minutes to complete her routine, I don't want to watch her stand there for 30 seconds and do not much more than look pretty and show off her outfit.  Not even 20 seconds.

In fact ...  15 seconds is almost too long for me.

Which meant that Trinity's Barbie Doll routine came close to sinking the girl on her first evening.

The Collector's Edition Display Box was a really neat idea.

The girl's look was incredibly adorable.

But too little happened over the course of the first minute.

And after that stumbling and staggered opening ...  Trinity was going to have to work twice as hard to get someone like me to cut her any slack during the following few minutes.  In my mind ...  She'd completely blown that evening's opportunity.

Thankfully for her ...  Evening 1 was a practice round for the Ladies in the Princess Division.  The only scores that really mattered to the Judges were the ones that would be handed out on Evening 2.  Which is where that Gal forced this Reviewer to take my limited expectations and toss them right out the window.

On that Second Evening of the Event ...  Trinity Turner was something close to a Force Of Nature.

Sweet, Sexy & Sassy!

Nonstop Action and flirtation ...  Well balanced by Humor and Athleticism.

And it wasn't that I'd forgotten about Evening 1.  It was simply that I no longer cared.

Walking into Evening 2, I was a skeptic.  Walking out, I was a fan.

Looking back on it all ...  Trinity seemed quite a bit more comfortable as a Cowgirl than a Barbie Doll.  And maybe that's the point of it all.  Go with what you know and be the best you can be at what you really are.

Whatever was going on ...  The Gal took first place in the Princess Division.

After leaving me and my friends thinking she was going to be outclassed by her competitors ...  The girl walked onto the stage that second evening and stole the trophy fair and square.

Travis Clemmons