Accidental Time Traveler

( Performed to the tune of "Walking In Memphis" )

Put on my tennis shoes

And I ... Slipped off the train

Ducked into a box that was large and blue

Just as it started to rain

Dear God in Heaven

Won't you keep watch over me

Three weeks and five days ago

I lost my grip on reality

Now I'm lost in a TARDIS

Traveling with this guy who can't be real

Caught up in this TARDIS

And never really knowing how to feel

I swear that I met Elvis

The night before he died

Tried to warn him of what would happen

He just laughed until he cried

No one ever knew we'd been there

We just appeared inside his room

It was such a crazy thing

To get to see the King

Just hours before his doom

Then we took off in the TARDIS

Traveling with this guy who can't be real

Caught up in this TARDIS

And never really knowing how to feel

I've seen monsters in Manhattan

 
I've gone swimming in mid air

But if you've ever seen a Dalek

You'll think you haven't got a prayer

          I prayed inside the TARDIS

I heard him play piano

On this evening out in Hollywood

While this dude he called the Master

Played the bass just like a God

It was such a crazy number

And I sang with all my might

I said "You two seem like such good friends"

They said "Only for tonight"

Then we were back in the TARDIS

Traveling with this guy who can't be real

Caught up in this TARDIS

And never really knowing how to feel

Lost in a TARDIS

Traveling with this guy who can't be real

Caught up in this TARDIS

And never really knowing how to feel

Put on my tennis shoes

And I ... Ran to catch the train

Glanced back at this box that was large and blue

In the middle of a pouring rain

That guy in the box that was large and blue

Will I ever see him again?

(Travis Clemmons - 2013)

Adult Movie Review: Sisters

 --- VIEWING ADVISORY ---

SISTERS is most certainly a motion picture that SHOULD NOT be viewed by anyone under the age of 18.

----------     ----------     ----------     ----------     ----------

As the picture comes into focus, the story is already well underway.  A pretty girl is being held captive in an abandoned warehouse.  She's completely naked and her cuffed wrists are strung up above her head.

Her name is Amanda.

Her father passed away several weeks ago.

Ever since that day, the young woman's life has become increasingly complicated.

At the reading of Dad's will, Amanda was designated as the sole heir to a very large trust fund. Unfortunately, the old man's death was merely the beginning of an even larger crisis. Amanda's aunt's and uncles quickly made clear their intention to contest their brother's inheritance decision. Although the probate lawyer assured the girl that her father's siblings had almost no chance of winning their claim in court, the fact that her closest family members have turned on her has left her feeling very confused and emotionally frazzled.

Desperately in need of emotional support, Amanda accepted an offer of assistance from a totally unexpected source.

Lara.

The daughter of her Step Mother.

Amanda's Father had married Lara's mother about five years earlier. At the time of the wedding, one girl was already in college and the other was only a few credits shy of graduating from high school. Each young woman already had her own life and interests. There simply wasn't all that much incentive for the two girls to form any type of strong sibling bond.

With the inheritance vultures flying in a circle around her step father's dead body ... Laura was very gracious and invited her "sister" to spend a month or two at her home. Only the two girls would know where Amanda was secretly camping out. Everyone else could just remain totally in the dark.

Hopefully, in just a few weeks, all the overblown family drama will have softened a bit and things can return to something close to normal. In the meantime, Amanda finally has an opportunity to get to know Lara as both a sister and a friend.

On her first afternoon at Lara's house, Amanda mistakenly blunders in on her step sister while Lara is acting out a very intense fetish game. Having arrived a few hours earlier than expected ... And needing to find her hostess to ask an important question ... Amanda walks into the main bedroom and finds Lara working through an intense bondage fantasy.

Laura's mouth is gagged.

Her wrists and ankles are tied to the bed posts.

The young woman is struggling to hold back a mounting orgasm while a very large and powerful vibrator mercilessly grinds away at her pussy.

Later that evening, as the two slightly embarrassed girls talk through what Amanda accidentally stumbled into, she admits to Lara that she actually likes the sight of another woman bound and gagged. Amanda confesses that she would occasionally do a favor for her college roommate. Tie the other girl up so she could pretend she was being held prisoner.

"Gagging her was a lot of fun," Amanda says. "There were times when she was very annoying."

Lara seems very intrigued by what her step sister has just told her. This causes her to ask Amanda for a very special favor.

The following afternoon, the two girls attempt to play out one of Lara's very intricate day dreams. Amanda is the Mistress of the house and Lara is expected to serve as her obedient slave. Unfortunately, Amanda seems to be much more the voyeur than the dominant.

While she sincerely enjoys watching, as another girl is run through the bondage and punishment gauntlet, Amanda appears to be missing the type of Bitch Queen attitude that is necessary to help someone like Laura buy into the fantasy that she has no choice but to obey and serve.

"I have an idea," Lara finally says, after the two of them have become frustrated by Amanda's inability to bring all the pieces together. "Why don't we spend a few days pretending that I'm training you to be my slave? I'll act exactly like I feel a stern and demanding Mistress should treat someone. After a week or two, you can take what you've learned and turn it around on me."

After thinking about Lara's offer for a few moments, Amanda decides that this might just be the way to go.

But is there something Laura might be concealing from her step sister?

Does the woman have any intention of actually returning control of the situation to Amanda?

SISTERS functions quite well as the erotic equivalent of a Horror Story. An urban legend where the pretty girl is tricked into signing her life away.

The story is entertaining.

The script has no significant plot contradictions.

The camera work is solid.

The locations are suitably eerie and imposing.

Madison Young and Mz. Berlin clearly understand their parts and do a marvelous job of bringing the characters to life.

My only criticism of SISTERS ... And this is a relatively small one ... Is that the run time is about ten minutes too long for my type of attention span.

All in all ... This might simply be due to the fact that I'm a ravenous plot junkie. While I do enjoy watching a scene where the sweet young thing is strung up by her wrists and mercilessly tormented ... I become slightly frustrated when the bondage or punishment segments of a story cause the production to break what I refer to as the 50 / 50 rule.

In my opinion, the 50 / 50 rule should be followed by anyone who is making an erotic production that is going to push past the twenty-five minute mark. At that point ... For every minute of erotic action ... You also need a minute that is comprised of solid plot, enjoyable dialogue and productive character development.

Unlike a massive amount of the bondage erotica that is on the market, SISTERS doesn't callously throw the 50 / 50 rule to the ground and stomp on it. But the motion picture does appear to come in at something closer to 55 / 45.

And I will admit that my criticism is an entirely subjective observation. Others might watch this movie and feel that the balance is exactly right. Or that there should have been twice as much bondage and punishment footage and only half as much dialogue.

Even after I've picked all the petty knits I can locate ... The truth of the matter is that the worlds of Bondage and Fetish Entertainment need a lot more writers and directors like John Fitzgerald. Men and women who clearly understand that what is happening in the dungeon is only one small part of a story that deserves to be told.

Too many fetish productions will do nothing but show the dungeon scenes. To me, this is little more than handing the audience a can of insanely sweet frosting and saying "be happy we're allowing you to have a sugar rush". Fitzgerald does his best to make sure that we also get the cake, the plate, the napkin, the fork and the glass of white wine that help round out the experience and allow it to feel like a special treat.

I strongly recommend SISTERS as a Bondage and Fetish treat.

To find out about obtaining a copy of SISTERS ... Or learn more about the entertainment produced by Gwen Media ... Click on the Title Card below.

Adult Movie Review: Process

--- VIEWING ADVISORY ---

PROCESS is most certainly a motion picture that SHOULD NOT be viewed by anyone under the age of 18.

Helena is an attractive young woman who is beginning to doubt her grip on sanity. Everything the girl once thought to be true is now being challenged by a dream that returns to her night after night.

It is the middle of the afternoon ...

She is casually strolling down a city sidewalk ...

Dressed only in makeup, high heels and a negligee ...

After walking for several blocks, she turns and enters a building ...

Once inside, her negligee is suddenly gone and she is totally naked.

An attractive older woman greets Helena and commands the girl to follow her up the stairs ...

Helena finds herself on a bed in a back room ...

Obediently following the instructions of the older woman and an unknown man.

As the dream has grown and evolved, elements of it have become incredibly troubling. Last night's dream was so disturbing, the girl finds herself unable to wait for her regularly scheduled psychology appointment. Helena has just arrived at the office, totally unannounced, and is begging to be allowed to see Eleanor for an emergency therapy session.

The two women are several minutes into the session when something about the dream begins to intrude upon their conversation. It has just dawned on Helena that the door behind Eleanor seems incredibly familiar. It is the door the older woman leads her through to get to the room that has the bed. It is the room where the man and the woman use her and cause her to do almost unspeakable things.

As she repeatedly hears the voice of her psychologist ,,, As she takes the time to focus on the woman's face ... Helena begins to doubt the person she's been trusting with her strongest fears and deepest emotional needs.

As much as the girl wants to leave. She seems unable to find the strength of will to actually do so.

Once ...

Twice ...

A third time ...

Helena has attempted to stand and turn towards the door that will take her out of the office and back to the street. A strongly spoken comment from Eleanor is all that has been necessary to cause the girl to sit back down and continue the process.

It would seem that Eleanor has more control over the girl's thoughts and choices than she does

I will cite "Process" as a prime example of the type of story I often refer to as a "Plausible Impossibility". A set of events which the viewer is well aware cannot happen. Yet, he or she is entertained enough, by the quality of the tale, to accept them happening within the boundaries of its universe.

In order to create and maintain a Plausible Impossibility within a motion picture, three elements must be present.

* A strong story

* Solid acting

* High quality production values

While it was produced on a fairly limited budget, Process contains a strong dose of all three.

The acting rises well above the "know your lines and know where to look" mentality that is often prevalent in erotic entertainment.

The directing, the camera work and the location choices provide a look and feel that would seem more appropriate to a motion picture costing at least ten times as much.

The story completely fills the twenty-two minute run time. This is not a production where the team has taken fifteen minutes of script and then padded the thing out to seventy-five ... Where sixty seconds of something that vaguely resembles plot and dialogue is then followed by at least ten minutes of toughing, kissing and shagging. The few minutes of erotic images that appear on screen completely fit the story telling needs of this well written script.

If you find yourself appreciating good erotic storytelling that is just a tad unsettling, I strongly recommend Process.

Staring:

Eleanor Markham

Helena Astley

Written By:

Daphne Avakian

Directed By:

Henri Tisserand

To find out about ordering a copy of the video ... Click on the title card below. Or look for Process on Clips4Sale.

Twilight Zone: 2.3

In 1988, the CBS network attempted the television equivalent of a Hail Mary Pass. Their intention was to take a failed prime time series and try to turn it into a syndication success.

Three years earlier, the company had taken a stab at resurrecting The Twilight Zone, the classic television series which had run on that network from 1959 through 1964. While TZ had never been more than a cult hit the first time on the air, the show had earned the company a considerable amount of money during two decades of syndicated reruns.

The 1985 attempt at rebooting the show wound up bringing mixed results. The initial ratings had been strong and critics had given the show a fair amount of praise. Then the number of viewers had started tapering off after the first couple of months. When asked why they were changing the channel, the response from the audience had been fairly consistent.

Some of the stories are fairly interesting

but the general feel of the show doesn't match the

Twilight Zone that we came to love on late night TV.

With ratings dropping below the break even point, the network canceled the show halfway through the second season. Hoping to recoup some of their money by syndicating this version of TZ to individual stations, the CBS executives had to face a second inconvenient reality. Although this sixty minute version of the show has been produced in a way that would allow each installment to be neatly divided into two half hour episodes, the early cancellation of the program had left CBS holding a short stack of product.

CBS needed at least one hundred half hour episodes to make their plan viable. They currently had slightly more than seventy. After considering their options, the company decided to open the checkbook and pay the money necessary to produce another thirty stories.

While seasons 1 and 2 had been completely produced in California, the actual filming of 3 was moved to the greater Toronto area. By shooting in Canada and placing a limit on the amount of special effects these episodes could use, the company hoped to maximize the amount of profit they could earn from syndication. CBS was also paying attention to one of the major complaints concerning the initial two seasons of the revival. Several of the episodes had seemed more concerned with sparkle than with plot.

While reducing the costs on filming and effects, the company allowed the writing budget to remain fairly high. By using this money, Seaton McLean and J. Michael Straczynski were able to attract a wide variety of top notch talent for the third season of the show. Although the production budget for these thirty episodes was significantly lower than the ones that had preceded them, several of them are near the top of the list when it comes to fan favorites.

Here are the ones I refer to as my fabulous five.

The Curious Case Of Edgar Witherspoon

Doctor Jeremy Sinclair has just been handed what appears to be a run of the mill psychiatric assignment. His task is to investigate and report on an elderly man name Edgar Witherspoon. Edgar is a sweet old fellow who's taken to collecting and hoarding a wide variety of items that most people would describe as junk.

After he succeeds in muscling his way into Edgar's basement apartment, Jeremy discovers an entire room filled by a strange contraption made from piano wire, doll heads, playing cards and other assorted items.

“Mr. Witherspoon,” Jeremy says, a touch of concern in his voice. “Would you mind explaining the nature of this device?”

“This machine is the only thing that keeps the everything in balance.” Edgar replies, with a wry smile. “Without it, the entire world would just go poof!”

Harry Morgan as Edgar Witherspoon
Cedrick Smith as Dr. Jeremy Sinclair

Dream Me A Life

Eddie Albert stars as Roger Simpson Leeds.  An old man who can't seem to get away from a bad dream. The problem has been going on for weeks now. Constant repetitions and distortions of the same series of disturbing events. The situation has reached the point where Roger is almost afraid to go to bed at night.

After falling asleep, the man opens his eyes and finds himself barricaded inside a crumbling house. His only companion is an attractive woman, close to his own age, who seems very afraid of whatever is trying to break down the door.

Things become even stranger when Roger meets the newest resident of the retirement home where he lives. Her name is Laural and she's been in a catatonic state for almost ten years. According to Roger's friend Frank, after the unexpected death of her husband, Laurel just sort of “went away”.

Laurel just happens to be an exact ringer of the woman in Roger's night mare.

Frances Hyland as Laurel
Barry Morse as Frank

The Trance

Leonard Randall is a handsome con artist who's only one step away from reaching the big time.

About a year ago, the man invented the persona of Delos. According to Leonard, Delos is a long dead resident of the lost island of Atlantis. After Leonard walks onto a theatre stage, sits in a comfortable chair and allows himself to fall into a trance ... The spirit of Delos enters his body and uses it to advise audience members who believe they might have problems that require a special sort of spiritual guidance.

After months of carefully calculated performances, Leonard has finally gained the attention of the national talk shows. Just as he's about to sign a deal that will send him on a highly publicized world tour, Leonard begins to speak in a voice that belongs to neither Delos nor himself. And it is a voice that Leonard appears to have absolutely no control over.

Peter Scolari as Leonard Randall

Room 2426

Professor Martin Decker ... A research scientist who's been imprisoned in a mental hospital. His only crime appears to be a steadfast refusal to cooperate with an oppressive dictatorship. The Professor invented a compound that could possibly be used to produce a deadly nerve gas. The regime appears willing to do anything necessary to learn the formula.

Professor Decker's “therapy” has gone on for several months. Sleep deprivation. Drugs. Long periods of isolation. The man still refuses to give his captors any information about where his files are hidden.

During the past several weeks, Decker's last remaining connection to sanity has been an enigmatic cell mate. Although the young fellow's conversations have always appeared to be quite sane, he has just made Decker an offer that seems to come from the depths of absurdity.

“They sent me to get you out of here, my friend.” The young man whispers in Martin's ear. “ I can use the power of my mind to teleport the two of us to safety. You simply have to believe in me.”

Dean Stockwell as Martin

Brent Carver as Joseph

Crazy As A Soup Sandwich

Tony Franciosa stars as Nino Lancaster, a Mafia Boss who is owed more than 100 grand by a street punk named Arky Lochner. It seems that Arky has a first class reason for his inability to repay the money he borrowed from Lancaster's loan sharks. The man bet every penny of it on the local horse races, after making a deal with a Demon to learn the names of all the long shots that would cross the finish line first.

Unfortunately, while each of Arky's horses were indeed the first ones to cross the line, every single stag and mare was disqualified for one reason or another. Which means that Arky now has a much larger problem than his inability to repay Mr. Lancaster. He's also unable to fork over the One Million Dollar Bounty which would prevent the Demon from having the right to claim Arky's immortal soul.

Nino Lancaster now finds himself in a very unenviable situation. If he wants to regain the money which is rightfully his, the man will have to help a pathetic loser defeat a highly powerful Minion of Darkness.

Wayne Robson as Arky

I sincerely hope you take the time to find the episodes of Season 3 and enjoy them. Your imagination will thank you for it.

Travis  Clemmons

Movie Discussion: Man Of Steel

WARNING !!!

Here There Be Spoilers!

Let me start off by saying that Man Of Steel is a very good movie.

What seems to be causing it to catch flak from a significant number of Film Critics is that too many of them were demanding a perfect movie. The problem with making this demand is that perfection can be a very subjective thing, especially when it comes to getting professional critics to agree on something. If you manage to please Smith, you're likely to piss off Patel. And if you somehow make both Smith and Patel happy, Krueger will probably accuse you of being a no talent hack.

Having taken the critics to task, please allow me to point out the three fixes that I believe could have turned this good movie into a great one.

- A -

At 143 minutes, the story is about 25 too long.

At least 15 minutes of this is due to the “Destruction Of Krypton” chapter that began the story.

Huge Mistake!

When Paramount produced Raiders Of The Lost Arc … Did Lucas and Spielberg feel it necessary to spend 20 minutes showing the audience how the Arc was stolen from the Israelites, by the Babylonians, and then accidentally misplaced for something like five thousand years?

Absolutely not!

The production team clearly understood that starting the story on that note would cause a significant distraction from the main storyline. So they wisely began the movie by introducing Indiana Jones and demonstrating what he does best. Then they allowed the back story concerning the Arc to gradually creep in along the way.

Man Of Steel should have used the same type of beginning. It could easily have started with Clark Kent working on an oil rig that was being torn apart by tidal waves and explosions. Then flash back to a part of his childhood before leading him up to his discovery of the Kryptonian scout ship. As the story progressed, General Zod and the Ghost of Jor-EL would have had plenty of opportunities to fill in the missing pieces. Everything would have run much more tightly and smoothly and the production budget would have been a few million lower.

 
- B -

Another 10 minutes could easily have been shaved off by being just a tad stingy about the time allowed for the Action scenes. The cold hard truth is that Action is never more than a dance partner for Plot. While a judicious use of Action can greatly enhance a Plot, the first should never be used as a replacement for the other. During the final third of the movie, there were too many instances where I felt like I was watching someone else play a video game. There reached a certain point where I wanted all the bombing and the fist fights to stop for a little while. I wanted to get back to the actual plot. But this other guy … the guy who was working the video game … He just kept playing Hack & Slash for another ten minutes till he finally had to drop the control pad and rush off to the Men's Room.

- C -

The biggest mistake the story tellers made was that they did not respect the character of General Zod. More to the point, they betrayed the man at almost the exact same spot where they started letting the action sequences get out of hand. Having proceeded in the same basic direction for the first two thirds of the story ... Zod suddenly took a left turn, that was completely unjustified, based on how he had behaved up till that point.

Is Zod a fanatic?

Hell Yes!

But the man is compassionate fanatic … genetically bred, and judiciously trained. The preservation of life (especially Kryptonian life) is of the utmost importance to him. Zod did not try to seize power on Krypton until it became crystal clear that the Grand Council was completely incapable of dealing with the imminent destruction that was facing the planet.

In his attempted coup, Zod was working towards the same basic goal as Jor-EL. Each man wanted to protect the genetic information Codex and eventually use it to rebirth the Kryptonian race on a new world.

If life is this important to the man, why does he suddenly try to use the terraforming power of the World Ship to transform Earth into a replication of Krypton. There are thousands of lifeless planets out there that would be perfectly suitable for his purpose. Why take a tool of resurrection and turn it into a weapon of cataclysmic destruction by unleashing its power on a world where a lesser (but quite promising) civilization already exists?

The man is understandably miffed when he learns that Jor-EL had transferred the genetic information of the Codex into the cellular structure of Kal-EL. But miffed isn't enough to drive a compassionate dictator to commit genocide. Before taking an action that extreme, he needs to perceive Earth and its people as a threat.

The Humans need to have shown that they are to be feared. And Man Of Steel always left the forces of Earth stopping a few steps shy of that mark.

What if the military had succeeded in killing one or two of Zod's gladiators? Not an easy task, but one that could be accomplished by tapping into the R&D resources of a major conglomerate like Lex Corp.

Think about it. The name kept popping up here and there during the course of the story. A sign on this chemical tanker. A banner hanging over that construction site.

Lex Corp

A multinational organization which would conceivably be working on the development of a number of devices that might be of use to the military, if the planet were facing a threat from beyond our solar system. Something like a variable wavelength LASER projector. A machine that could be programmed to mimic the energy that would be produced by a red sun.

Most likely, there would be only two prototypes. Each would need to be cranked up way above the safety limit if it were going to be effective against a Kryptonian. Which means that each device would most likely burn out after only one shot.

The weapons are deployed. We succeed in killing one warrior and severely wounding another. Zod doesn't need to know that these are our only two guns. We've got his attention now. He understands that we're a credible threat. We're sure he'll do the logical thing and decide to back off.

Which is exactly when General Zod makes the decision to double down and go for broke. His reasoning is quite sound. If the Humans are this much of a threat now, what will they be capable of doing in a thousand years?

That's when Zod unleashes the power of the World Ship. The Human's did something completely unexpected. Now its his turn.

In spite of the fact that the movie's producers were foolish enough to not seek out my scripting advice, I find myself eagerly looking forward to watching a sequel. And I'm especially curious as to what part Lex Corp and its founder will play.

Only time will tell.

Travis Clemmons

Movie Review: Much Ado About Nothing

It is important to remember that Much Ado About Nothing was written in the 16th Century. During that earlier time, the word “Nothing” was often used interchangeably with “Noting” … a term which could hold a wide variety of meanings that are not well known in modern society.

* Small talk

* Petty or malicious gossip

* A willingness to listen in on conversations which the participants believed were private

So there is indeed a lot of “Nothing” going on in William Shakespeare's 1599 play. The entire story spins on a nexus of “who said this” and “who heard that”. All of it unfolding in a manner which brings about both silly humor and heart wrenching tragedy.

As adapted and directed by Joss Whedon, the story takes place in a world which appears rather similar to our 21st Century but which seems to have none of our modern day aircraft. This means that a journey of more than a thousand miles will take at least a handful of days to complete.

Being a part of the island of Sicily, the Province of Messina is currently under the control of the state of Aragon. Prince Pedro of Aragon (Don Pedro) has been engaged in a lengthy diplomatic mission far away from home. As he and his associates make their way back towards Northern Spain, their motorcade pauses at the villa of Leonato, the Governor of Messina. Having not seen his old friend for a number of months, Leonato invites the Prince and his traveling companions to stay with him for a period of several days.

This pause in their traveling is good news for some and inconvenient timing for others. The young Count Claudio is quite pleased by the opportunity to spend a bit more time in the company of the lovely maiden Hero, the only child of Leonato. For her part, Hero seems just as happy to learn that Claudio's travels have brought him back in her direction. On the other side of the issue, Hero's cousin Beatrice will not cease in her assertion that the travelers would have been just as welcome to continue on their journey and pass right by Leonato's estate.

While quite happy to see Don Pedro and most of his associates, the woman has an incredibly sharp tongue when it comes to any discussion of (or with) Sir Benedick. The man is an officer in the employ of the Prince and it appears that Benedick and Beatrice have a bit of past history. The two of them constantly demonstrate a willingness to allow the events of yesteryear to intrude upon their present day behavior.

The final traveler of note is Don John (The Bastard Prince). John is the younger half brother of Prince Pedro and it would appear that their father's marriage to his mother was a ceremony which was not given approval by the local Bishop. As such, he has always been the black sheep of the clan. A designation which he has taken to heart and allowed to influence his actions.

As the story begins, John and Conrade (his sultry lady friend) are shown to be in handcuffs. The diplomatic party has just made its way to friendly soil and the two of them are finally allowed to cast off their shackles and move about freely. While the scene plays out, the viewer is left to infer that John may have gotten into trouble in some foreign land. Which could well be the reason why Pedro and his associates have found it necessary to make this time consuming journey. Whatever the truth of the past might be, the truth of the present is that John and Conrade are not the least bit rehabilitated. Given the slightest opportunity, the two of them are perfectly happy to stir the trouble cauldron again and wait to see what might spring from it.

Whedon has done a marvelous job of taking this 450 year old tale of whimsy and heart break and transplanting it into a 21st Century setting. I wish I could congratulate the man for doing a perfect job, but there are a few small instances where I feel he should have gone in a slightly different direction.

On the positive side, the casting of Riki Lindhome as Conrade was a stroke of absolute genius. By changing the gender and making the character a very attractive female, and by allowing her to be the attention demanding lover of Don John, Whedon has opened up a new dimension in the relationship between the two malcontents. Mischief is the most basic type of foreplay for this pair. They whisper ideas of it to each other during intimate moments. They casually conspire to create trouble in much the same way as an average couple would plan an evening at the theatre. They find great entertainment in observing the fruits of their efforts as the vines unfurl and reveal their bitter grapes.

The downside to placing Riki in this role is that Whedon did not make the necessary adjustments in the script to compensate for the role reversal. During the course of the film, the character is constantly referred to as Master by those around her. This is actually quite humorous when she and Borachio are being interrogated by Dogberry and the other members of the inept Constabulary. Yet it becomes painfully grating when the term is being used by household servants (or party guests) who are calling her Master while properly referring to Beatrice and Hero by a correct term such as Maiden, Mistress or Milady.

Taking a second look at the Constabulary, Whedon missed a fine opportunity to show the modern day audience what these individuals were initially intended to parody. In the scripting of Dogberry and his associates, Shakespeare had his eye trained on what the people of our 21st century would commonly refer to as a “Neighborhood Watch Organization”. And it is quite clear that he held them in no greater esteem than much of present day society feels for the “Citizen Councils” or “Local Militias” that we often find existing near us. 

Contrary to how things might appear, Dogberry is not a professional police officer. He is a common citizen who has been drafted by the local government and forced to perform the task of Security Officer for a period of about two weeks each year. These are the men who could not scrape together the few coins necessary to be able to buy their way out of the obligation. They have little or no training and they are utterly ill equipped for the task of conducting a proper investigation of the events which are unfolding around them. The fact that Dogberry and his associates are able to expose the plot of Don John is a testament to the fact that Luck has found reason to turn its back on John and smile on almost everyone else.

The insertion of a couple of lines could have made the predicament of Dogberry much clearer to the modern day viewer. And I'm quite certain that, if a list were compiled of people who could properly fake Shakespeare, Whedon would very near the top of the names. The fact that he did not take this opportunity to slightly tweak the script causes me to feel that he failed somewhat in the task of helping the story fit the needs and expectations of the modern audience.

Having taken my nit picks, Much Ado About Nothing is one of the best films I've seen this year. In no small way, this is due to the casting. Each performer is flawless in their part. Amy Acker and Alexis Denisof can be absolutely gut busting as Beatrice and Benedick, then effortlessly transition to heart wrenching when the mood of the story changes.

Nathan Fillion is hilarious as Dogberry.

Clark Gregg stepped in at short notice, after Anthony Head became unavailable for the part. You'd never begin to think he was Whedon's second choice for the role.

My most enjoyed bit of acting comes from Jillian Morgese as Hero. The girl begins the film as a cute young Tom Boy … attractive yet unpolished. She's always believed that her cousin Beatrice was the pretty one in the family. When it becomes clear that Claudio wishes to have her as his mate, the young woman's confidence begins to blossom. Once Hero allows herself to believe that she is as attractive and desirable as Beatrice, her beauty quickly begins to rival that of Beatrice.

From acting … to directing … to camera work … to lighting … I'll happily cite Much Ado About Nothing as a prime example of how solid storytelling can triumph over exotic locations and expensive special effects. Produced on a budget that could be rivaled by ten dollars and a bicycle spoke, the movie is absolutely enjoyable.

I strongly recommend this motion picture.

Travis Clemmons

Movie Review - Rise: Blood Hunter

Rise: Blood Hunter has been rated R by the Motion Picture Association of America.

Rise: Blood Hunter is an intriguing attempt at blending many of the elements of Film Noir with a somewhat different take on the traditional Monster Movie.

Lucy Liu stars as Sadie Blake, a young reporter who finds her entire existence turned upside down after an encounter with a mysterious couple known as Eve and Bishop. Sadie had been gradually putting together the pieces of a very disturbing puzzle. A handful of high school and college students had dropped off the grid after becoming involved in local raves and secret parties in abandoned buildings.

The last thing Sadie clearly remembers is that a very attractive man and woman seemed very concerned about what she was learning. After that, everything quickly became a blur. There were several days and nights where she almost believed herself to be in a drug induced stupor. Just a few hours ago, Sadie awoke and found herself on a slab in a morgue.

The girl has this vague recollection of the man and woman questioning her. Then tormenting her for what seemed like hours on end. Touching her – Kissing her – Forcing her to have sex with them – Biting at her skin.

Were they drinking her blood?

Were they forcing her to drink theirs?

During the forty-eight hours that follow her reawakening, Sadie discovers that she no longer seems to be human. While hiding out in a homeless shelter, the young woman feels the need for nourishment but normal food tastes almost sickening. Then she realizes that some of the individuals around her seem to have an almost appetizing scent about them. They're old or they're sick. She can smell it on them. Some recently awakened instinct is telling her that it would be very easy to prey upon them. That she'd be doing society a favor by culling the herd.

It would appear that Sadie Blake has become the very thing she was investigating.

~~~~~

In the entertainment industry, there's a joke which declares that a talented story editor exists in the same sort of mystical shadow universe as a skillful corset and brazier designer. As long as he or she do their jobs correctly, no one really bothers to think about the need for them.

The fact that the audience is presented with ample opportunity to enjoy Lucy Liu, Cameron Richardson and Carla Gugino in their birthday suits, would seem to point to the fact that no one should be concerned about the need for a skillful bra maker. What comes across as the major problem, in this production, is the complete absence of a competent script editor.

The horror and suspense elements are quite good.

The various nods to Film Noir are never overplayed.

The subtle moments of humor do a proper job of lightening the mood when that is most needed.

But then this motion picture goes drastically overboard in its handful of jarring attempts at the overt sort of belly laughs that are generally found in the modern day “slob comedy”. These three to five minute vignettes are completely unnecessary. They have almost nothing to do with the plot of the movie. All they succeed in doing is bringing a speeding train to an unexpected dead stop.

While Rise: Blood Hunter is still an enjoyable piece of entertainment, this is most certainly an instance where less would have felt like more. The suspense and the erotica have been woven together so delightfully. Then everything suddenly comes to a screeching halt as the lame attempts at overt comedy blunder across the screen.

What should have been a top notch B Movie Erotic Thriller has been cheapened by the production company's desire to play to the “something for everyone” mentality. In my opinion, that's the real crime of the story.

Travis Clemmons